There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
