Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
