Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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