Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
