well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
