My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i now understand why vodka
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
