I'm lost and stupid without you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
