...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Randomize
