dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
