My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
