Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Couch. On fire.
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