I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
