She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
