why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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