So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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