he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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