Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
