I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
