is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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