you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
