Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize