This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
