I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
