There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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