how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
