I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
