So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
