the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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