Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
