I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
