you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
