Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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