Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
