maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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