my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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