my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
