is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
