what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
