I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
