I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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