I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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