how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
