i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
