i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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