Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
