yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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