If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
