Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
