dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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