fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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