eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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