I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
