I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
