Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
