You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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