i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
as a side note pls kill me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
