I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
