Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
