Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
