i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
