it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
