Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
