I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have fence marks all over my body
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
