you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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