I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
