Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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