Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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