I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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