tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
