Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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